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Stephen Wright quotes

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American Actor and Writer, b.1955

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious!”

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