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“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

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“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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