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“Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.”
ghoststories Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)

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“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?”
rainstormsong Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.”
Hassle Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
EvolveToAnarchy Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“I feel your scorn and I accept it.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.”
NoxTheLost Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
Similar Quotes. About: Fraud quotes, Terror Alert quotes, Enron quotes, Global Crossing quotes.
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“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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