“I am a product. . . . I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.”
“I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to, ... The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.”
“I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their house have wheels.”
“In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.”
“It's an investment, so to speak. It's that human contest. In five, 10 years, if I wanted to go back and do a theater there, I'd be able to. People would go, 'Yeah, man, he came here. It was awesome,'”
“Going there is paying your dues. You always have to pay your dues. . . . You've just got to do it. Maybe I come from a working family. Maybe it's the voice of my mom saying, 'You've always got to be nice to people.' I look at it as saying it's going to be fun. Those people are going to be really, really happy.”
